681

Somehow the smell of fresh manure, the sight of; red barns, silos, & the setting sun on these rolling farm hills…have nuzzled their way into my heart, and  become home.

This county of ours has intense falls, winters, springs, & now it’s summers time to shine. It’s summers season . 
Hahahaha okay I’m done with the puns.
It may be have been 95 degrees, but it was a blast taking the bike for a spin, riding through this county, & through life with my man.
Today celebrates the FIRST DAY OF SUMMER, but more importantly the  681ST DAY OF US 
– T

a month in the life: J U N E ( 663)

feeling : the pain of this broken. busted. world

learning: that I can take initiative 
& coordinate like crazy, 
when it’s something I genuinely care about
#futureCEO #girlboss 

practicing: vulnerability & the power of prayer

mastering: shining God’s light & hope on the darkest of days,
because that’s usually when we need it the most
& where it shines the brightest.

eating: Rita’s, because 90 degree weather

listening: to One DANCE because it makes me DANCE
& it makes GREG DANCE  which isn’t easy to come by
me dancing + Greg DANCING = is the best way to get me laughing

playing: SNAKE on my phone
yes someone was brilliant enough to make  SNAKE APP
never thought such a simple game could bring me such simple comfort.

finishing : one prayer and starting another,
 because I don’t have time for worry or be afraid
because I serve a mighty God who’s omnipresent & omnipowerful 
yes i made that up, 
& it’s a word now
#frindled

reading: The Chronicles of Narnia
The Classic Works of C.S. Lewis
Laughing your way to a better marriage

watching : the office … yes STILL, we’re not binge watching
& of course the NHL PLAYOFFS because I married Greg 
so I knew that’s what I signed up for when I said I DO
#LETSGOPENS 

wearing : all my Brazilian outfits, because they were made for hot humid days like this

working: on the call to take heart because He has overcome the world.

walking: courageously with my head held high
because despite any trial
 we hold the hands of the one who holds the world 

 realizing: why we chose those songs we sang & danced to on our wedding day 

“all of my life in every season you are still God we have a reason to sing, we have a reason to worship”
&
“we went dancing in the minefields we went sailing in the storm
it was harder then we dreamed but I believe that’s what the promise is for,
cause He promised not to leave us and his promised not to leave us and his promises are true,
& in the midst of all this chaos baby I can dance with you

Thanks Greg for grounding me in this season, you’re the behind the scenes guy
who reminds me who goes before us & beside us,
& dances with me in the minefields.
eu te amo. 

traveling : to Florida for my childhood ” woah she’s so cool” ‘s wedding
desiring : heavenly peace 


celebrating:  Liz & Tony’s Wedding.
Tia’s and Bri’s Birthday.
Grace’s 25th Birthday.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33




661: Vulnerability

“Courage 
Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart
Having the courage to be imperfect 
I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness but it appears it’s also the birthplace
Vulnerability birthplace of joy creativity belonging love”

Words from a Ted talk that I watched shared with me by a friend who encouraged me to be vulnerable.
She said something along the lines of
 “You live such a bada– b—– kind of life, where you are YOU all the way
So why give a crap about sharing your pain with those closest to you”
This got me thinking 
we are 
simultaneously wired for struggle,
and worthy of love and belonging.
This is humanity.
May we let ourself be seen
Love with our whole heart 
Even if there’s no guarantee
Do you know the story?
Of how Greg and I got together?
Do you know it took throwing my self out there, making the phone call , putting my heart on the line and being 100% vulnerable?
There was no guarantee of anything
In fact I didn’t anticipate it going anywhere, 
But the notion of “what if you’re holding yourself back from something really wonderful because of you’re fear to be vulnerable?”
Caught my attention immediately and terrified me.
Options were sink or soar, and I didn’t want to live my life as someone who didn’t take risks because  when you don’t risk anything … You risk everything.
I put my heart on the line called Greg and the rest is history.
Calling Greg on February 23rd changed my life forever.
In more ways then one .
Yes I married him and it’s a dream in so many ways.
But it also taught me vulnerability 
It taught me the risk is worth the reward.
I am going through it for the past year. – and the next few months will be a struggle – but i will be vulnerable I will cling close to the people I can confide in who I can show all of me.
I forgot how refreshing it is to be bare .
Five nights ago I was scooping icecream and I crumbled.
Icecream shouldn’t make you crumble.
But I couldn’t cope or fight any longer
When you allow yourself to feel the good,you allow yourself to FEEL IT ALL. 
And it’s a little bit terrifying,
but a lot a bit freeing.
Being vulnerable with Greg, really letting him into my life,my dreams,and pains was one of the most challenging times of my life.
It’s evident I love him and that he loves me (via my writing and posts I’m sure, ) but is the struggle evident?
 Is the pain evident? 
Is the vulnerability overflowing,
in each word I write.
We are each others forever, but we also are one another’s encourages to seek to be more like Jesus to pursue community, authenticity, and the freedom to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability means transparency.
Vulnerability means weakness leaving the body and the mind, only to be put on the display .
Vulnerability enhances our quality of life tremendously , and it is a risk .
1,000,000% it is
You can fall,
” oh but darling what if you fly”
What if your decision to choose into vulnerability, brings forth the kinda reward and refreshment you couldn’t have fathomed, & down the road you can’t even believe that at one point you even considered it a risk at all.
My prayer tonight for myself for Greg and for you is that you would be VULNERABLE. 
You’ll lose sight of the risk,& discover the refreshment of the reward; freedom to be unapologetically yourself , no holds barred.