The night is always darkest before the dawn.
When I think about death and dying and losing the people I love on this earth,
I think about Victor Hugo and his words that the night is always darkest before the dawn.
How can there be any shred of light ?How does the sunrise even after the darkest nights?
Marriage is a gift that I’ve been privileged to experience and today I saw how marriage could glorify Christ for a lifetime. Today we celebrated the life of Gregs grandfather Dean who unexpectedly passed.
Within this past week of
I I thought about this notion of the night is always darkest before the dawn these past few days Greggin I feel like it’s just a bad dream but every day we wake up and it’s still a reality.
A marriage is a gift and marriage is work and marriage is beautiful and I wasn’t
really raised with grandfathers so Marrying in & instantly getting two very present grandfathers who took me in as their own & loved the Lord was a pretty sweet gig.
Losing people you love is hard and painful.
Seeing the people you love mourn and suffer because of the loss of someone they loved much more than you did aches and breaks you.
CS Lewis says ” To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
The reality is we hurt because we’ve loved.
and I thank God every day that Greg & i choose to love each other.
I know that one day I will lose him or he will lose me but the joy there is in loving another, & being loved by another is indeed one of the greatest things one will ever learn.
I write because that’s my therapy
I write because it helps me process
I write because this family has become my Family .
& when they rejoice I rejoice and when they suffer I suffer they truly have become my people.
I write because not only was I experiencing a grandpa for the first time but I was witnessing a beautiful showcase of how a Christian marriage of 50 years that thrived, served each other & others, traveled to all 7 continents and 100+ countries and raised a loving family. In so many ways Greg reminds me of his grandpa (and I’m just as crazy as his grandma) so we always kind of knew we were going to make it when we were dating, because the way they interact is the way that we interact, so it brought us hope.
And now as we lay in bed on day #583 of this journey of marriage …
& share a laugh in memory of this loving man who was Gregs grandfather.
We hold each other close as we wipe away the tears,allowing our dog+cat to snuggle with us, wrapping ourselves in our comforters & reveling in the arms of THE COMFORTER
We lay here praying for his grandma + mom especially, then all others follow suit.
the night is always darkest before dawn.
Some days of grieving seem darker than others,
some days seem like the sun will never rise, but sure enough even on the darkest nights… the sun rises.
sorrow lasts for a night
but joy comes in the morning
his mercies are new every morning.
When everything seems so dark , the dawn in only moments away.
Greg always jokes that he wishes he could skip the parenting thing, & go right to being the grandpa.
my prayer is that Greg would be even just a fraction of the blessing and reflection of Christ strong gentle generous love towards his grandkids, children, friends and family as Dean was.
my prayer is for unity peace and comfort for Gregs entire family, for healthy grieving & processing.
And that even on the darkest nights,that they would remember there is dawn, just moments away.
Thankful I will always be for the life you’ve lived and the impact you’ve had on my husband and this family I married into.
Eta saudade vovo Dean Stoltz, te vejo no ceu louvando nosso Senhor.