717; Cleaning House

717 ; the number of days we’ve been married
the area code for us Lancaster folk.
In May, I quit my job.
Wow, that was much harder to type then I thought it would be.
I quit for personal reasons, to which I have no regret.
It was the best thing to do, in order for me to take care of what had become a sudden priority.
These are the kind of things one doesn’t broadcast on social media.
These are the moments that aren’t advertised on the highlight reels of peoples lives.
These are the things I write about.
Never, ever , EVER would I ever have envisioned myself as a housewife.
The sheer thought used to make me cringe.
Honestly, the first housewife that I ever respected and valued was Greg’s mom.
Her dream was to be a mom who raised loving children who followed Jesus.
That was her dream job.
Prior to that, I had only known housewives who HAD to 
 because there wasn’t any other financial options to take care of the kids.
I used to roll my eyes at housewives, 
because I never understood how you could not want to do anything else.
After meeting Greg’s mom & seeing her in action, I got it.
I thought it was beautiful & rare how she chose that.
I saw how she came alive around her kids, 
and I learned in those early days of dating Greg that;
 there is INFINITE value to being a housewife.
ESPECIALLY a stay at home mom.
Greg, unlike me  (as usual ) 
in addition to his dream of being a home brewer, 
dreams of being a stay at home dad.
Needless to say Greg’s got the whole HOME thing down pat.
But I…
not I said the Tree…
So these past few months of not working have really challenged me.
Mentally,  Emotionally, & I suppose a little physically.
When all you know is pursuing the next success,
 working for the next bill, in order to enjoy life,
looking for the next goal,
striving for the upcoming achievement etc.
when you pump the brakes on that madness, 
and just STOP 
put the car in park
put the E brake up
take the keys out of the ignition,
there is a stillness
a calm
a chance to get out of the car,
lay in the grass,
 lookup to the sky and dream.
Some days have been really easy others have been really challenging.
I got discouraged.
I got confused.
I got lost.
Wondering what my place was.
Knowing full well this season was supposed to be teaching me something,
 but the longer I took to learn it, the longer it would last.
Application after application.
Interview after interview.
Rejection after rejection.
After a while you figure why bother looking up at the sky to dream,
I’m better off crying into my pillow.
And sometimes you do need that good cry,
that rejection,
that moment of stop trying to get in the car again and just learn what God’s trying to teach you.
for the past few weeks I have been.
I’ve been soaking up my word, 
listening to God’s voice as I walk Lady three times a day,
sitting on my front porch journaling,
even as I -yup – cook & clean day after day
it’s in those moments that I’ve been receiving clarity and vision.
it’s in the realizing in this season my job is to learn, that I have been finding peace.
it’s the recognizing thanks to Greg’s constant gentle reminders, that my worth isn’t 
based on the cash I bring home or what I accomplish in the day.
it’s teaching me a bunch on dependency,on that being one with Greg means what’s His is truly mine,
on whats mine is truly his.
its reminding me that love isn’t earned.
its reminding me that we are a team and showing me that whether I’m extremely productive that day, or not at all my husband is concerned with the state of my heart.
He is gentle patient,  comforting, and encouraging
Does he worry, ohmygracious we joke that its almost as if the Bible says WORRY about everything, 
instead of don’t worry about anything,
but never for a moment making me feel inferior,
never for a moment letting me forget that I am gifted and valued,
and always telling me, that being at home is exponentially appreciated,
even though to onlookers it may seem crazy,
because we know what others may see,
 but we also know what God said.
Greg says thank you on the days I do much & on the days I do next to nothing
so to whoever stumbles upon my words,
married or single
house wife or 9-5’er
don’t belittle the value of staying still,
learning those lessons ,
& just taking the time to … 
hmmm, wow
now I get it, 
revel in the time that is being set aside for you to cleaning house.
(in my case both figuratively & literally)
com carinho,

1 thought on “717; Cleaning House”

  1. I love you. I am in this season too, and I am learning to love it and soak up the quiet lessons that it has for me. You're writing is getting stronger and more clear.

    We are in this together.


Leave a Reply