Moving to PA has it’s perks,
 one of the most significant for me
has been the increased proximity to a beloved friend from college

I met her on my first week of college, & our connection was instantaneous.
She had a free spirit, a love for Brazil, Jesus, others, and adventure.

The thing with college friendships –
& in actuality a majority of friendships we establish

– is discerning who’s only meant to be present for a season & who’s there for the long haul

Looking back to the many different seasons of life where friends were acquired;

childhood friendships,
church friendships,
“family friend” friendships,
highschool friendships,
Nyack College friendships ,
DC friendships,
Semester at Sea friendships,
work friendships,
MLC friendships
Some have sunk & some have swum.
& some at a fault to no one, for one reason or another, have simply disconnected.
I admit I haven’t always had this understanding mindset.
Sometimes I was going all in, so I was confused why certain friendships didn’t last. For a while I contemplated,”What am I doing wrong”? “When am I gonna have lifelong friends”?
Or even just a very basic thought, that we’ve all come to “Who are my real friends” ?
 Sometimes the multitude of options combined with how fast life was going – for me at least – was just overwhelming.There were just so many different people/places I was involved with,
I couldn’t keep up.
Sometimes life happens & in the middle of it all, you’re just trying to figure out who you are,
 what you believe in, & what you’re living for…that before you know it you forget, or at least I did
about maintaining contact, keeping in touch, the effort & rewarding commitment of being a friend escapes you. And self discovery takes priority.
Sometimes we run for cover, avoiding the intimacy &transparency that’s required in being a friend,because we don’t want to take the risk.
Whatever the case may be, I quickly discovered that friendships
 would remain an ever so curious phenomenon for me.
As a child,friendships came so easy .
Sleepovers, birthdays, and spending hours that turned into weeks of our lives
imagining,eating,creating,running wild, & laughing together.
As I grew, friendships changed & fast.
Some friends I’ve explored the depths of the seas with & others the depth of their hearts.
Some we hid under yellow tables,danced to Zoe Girl, snowboarded.
Somewent through day to day life with, prayed, cooked, created & laughed till dawn.
Some were crying shoulders, daring adventurers,
Some spoke truth & bravery to me when I was lost in a desert of lies & fear,
Some spent days on the beaches of either Cape Cod or Rio.
Some friends made me cry & just question what kind of ” friend ” is this?
( fitting the cliches of peer pressures that became all to real in middle school.
It’s okay no hard feelings here, I’ve long forgiven you, & you are so loved ! )
Some, oh some, how we thrived !
 We camped, we won cabin of the week, we slid down hills, we went to concerts together,
we pranked each-other without reservation,
we sang, acted, listened, worked together, were hurt,& were healed together.
it means so many different things to so many people.
When you become friends with someone,true friends, for however long
 your life is filled joy
& your faith in humanity is restored.
And that has always been a dream of mine in life:
 to show people joy & faith in humanity.
So as ridiculous as it may sound,
that afternoon with Dorcas 
in Lancaster ( of all places )
guzzling coffee, 
talking husbands hopes hurts & healing 
I began to toy with the idea of somehow relaying one message
either the final, the 837,458th, or the 1st 
to all who were, are, will be
– this special brand of people in my life-
a friend.
So without further adieu
here’s my official unofficial letter to YOU;


Dear Friend of my Past, Present, or Future;
Thank You for being a part of my life.
I don’t know how long you were/are/or will be a part of it,
but for whatever the time frame you were/are/will be a part of my life,
and I am grateful.
Some during diaper days,childhood, awkward preteen years,
 teenage years, high-school, college,present day, or yet to be.
Things have radically changed in my life & yours.
As it should, because this is life.
Change is inescapable.
So friend of past present or future.
Thank you for being a part of it.
Thank you for hours of phone calls back when home phones were a thing,
for laughter, for running, for playing ,
for face timing while it’s a thing
 for creating ,for exploring, for teaching me,
& for “whatever the future main form of communication is” -ing.
Friends of past,present, & future.
I used to wish our friendship could have lasted much longer
& that I could have been a much better friend
& now I’ve just come to peace with the fact  that of the millions of people in this world,
I was enchanted to meet you.
To some extent, for some reason, for whatever the season ;
you were / are / or will be my friend.
Whatever the experiences, however long,
 they matter (+ed)(will matter) for shaping me into being a better friend

& what I understand friendship to be.

So along with thank you, I’d like to publicly say I’m sorry for any offense I’ve done to you.

For the longest time, F R I E N D S H I P S have intimidated me
& though I’ve improved at it in some areas, I’m still figuring it out.
If you were expecting me to keep in touch & I fell through the cracks & disappeared
from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry
 Or if I said or did something that deeply hurt you,will you forgive me?
Because the long & short of it is;
I’m a flawed human being, I’m a work in progress and it wasn’t intentional.
Friendship requires so much of us,  sometimes the bar is set high,
 and we’re simply not at the right maturity level to reach that bar.
But oh how I’ve learned, oh how I’ve grown,
& I’m so sorry it took you being the hurt vessel, to teach me a lesson.
So thank you for being a friend for whatever the time frame,
& sorry for any of the sadness I’ve brought your way.
But most of all life isn’t over & I am still here.
Still here to connect with, pray with, & laugh with.
Still here to listen to you, explore with you

& go into the depths of your sea or heart.

Please understand I am not writing to rekindle & savor every friendship that was ever flamed.
For some friendships already fully served their purpose, I know that full well,
&I’m simply taking the time to be thankful for them.
& saying hey you were great
or you taught me something
or sorry for hurting you

or wow when I think back I realize I had such a good friend in you…

I’m writing this because as I spent the day with my dearest Dorcas

 & we guzzled coffee
& dreamed together
as we often had in college
 I thought to myself
oh how sweet
what a treasure
a friend for 5 years
who despite nearness or farness
I’ve felt supported, loved, & wanted by her.
There were moments we thrived together
moments we clashed
 but I knew w/out a doubt that she was my friend & she cared.
That is one of the most beautiful gifts we receive in life;
 a friend who genuinely wants to be present to care for you in whatever way possible,
 So dear friend of past, present, or future
 this post/ this letter is an open invitation
for some an open invite to rekindle ;
for others an open invite to kindle for the first time
Because sometimes we can get so caught up in our own lives,
we become blind to those around us who are in desperate need for someone…
 a friend who genuinely wants to be present to care for you in whatever way possible.
And I don’t wanna be blind to you, I see you.
You are supported, you are wanted, you are loved.
And if you’d like, to the best of my ability; You’ve got a friend in me.
Yes I am well aware of how pathetic this may come across
truly I do
but people are worth taking the risk of looking pathetic for
Sincerely ,
Mrs.Dreamer Irving

Post Author: Thressa Irving

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