This afternoon I was sitting outside at work doing the usual caretaking when I overheard a phrase that quite frankly has always irked me;

” Whatever the BRIDE Wants”
This mentality has disturbed me so, because of
-now this might come off a little crass & of course you’re free to disagree- 
how self centered & entitled it is.
The wedding and more importantly the MARRIAGE isn’t nor should it be, solely about ” whatever the bride wants”
Now I’ll be the first to admit that this is a socially constructed mentality, continually fed to us by society ( so I understand how it has come to be)
but just because it’s a mentality that exists,
doesn’t mean it healthy, accurate, or worthy to be practiced.
As I recall our own engagement, leading up to the wedding day, I was bombarded with messages like this;
” What the Bride says goes ! “
” What the Bride wants she gets”
” Better do it the brides way or Bridezilla will come out”
“ALL eyes on the Bride, its HER day”
& of course ” Whatever the Bride Wants”
* to which I have to say oh please SPARE ME *
I am not easily irate, it takes a lot to really push me over the edge,
so for a while I rolled my eyes & shook it off,
but the straw that broke this camels back
was when Greg said a variation of these phrases.
Mind you; he said so lovingly
out of the genuine desire to please me & lavish me in love
to give me the ” dream” wedding
but the reality is;
WHO GIVES ABOUT A ME WEDDING?
I’m not marrying myself here.
There may be an I in wedding, but more importantly so, theres a WE
In times of decicsion making people would say,
” It’s not about others it’s about you & the groom”
 
which is true to some extent & there are certainly boundaries that need to be set
BUT we’re only a PART of that WE in WEDDING.
DEAR FUTURE BRIDES,
Let’s get over ourselves & throw away any ” I ” mentality.
It’s not about you,sorry not sorry.
Take your eyes off “I” & zero in that gaze of yours on Christ.
Figure out how on a day society reinforces “me, me, me” you glorify “He”.
Additionally, it’s not about how you want the cake food decor insert all the other
 frivolous fru-fru that is all well & good, but isn’t necessary.
This planning process is the beginning of a new season of life,
as you step into being A TEAM forever
So this just in, the time to think WE,
started the moment you said “yes” at the proposal
( unless you proposed to the groom as the bride to which I totally respect)
DEAR FUTURE GROOMS,
WE WANT YOU
 – or at least I can speak for myself GREG I WANT YOU-
your opinions 
& decisions 
matter to me .
 I love the way you think
 so of course I value/want your input !
 
FAMILY& FRIENDS ( a.k.a.  beloved guests),
Though our decisions aren’t made FOR you
-decisions made revolve around praising Jesus & representing us-
WE keep you in mind, WE care about you.
It’s a privilege to have you here & consider you on this day.
ALL this to say;
 Marriage is beautiful & a WEdding
 is such as sweet way to celebrate stepping into this major life change.
 But if there’s even the slightest hint of a high horse in you,
heres to hoping these words of mine knock you right off it.
For your approach/attitude on your wedding day,
can subconsciously  be quite reflective of the approach/attitude
 towards life that your marriage will be.
Greg & I chose to keep the WE in wedding by;
-giving Jesus center stage for a while
-making decisions geared towards making our guests comfortable
– being secretive ( until now) about donating a portion of our wedding $ to an NGO
– entrusting our artists (florists, photographer,etc) to run wild & free to do their thing
– spending anytime we could loving our guests
WEddings like marriage ( & life )
can be easily misconstrued to be made about “whatever I want”
but how much sweeter it is when we take our eyes off “I”
& including/loving the WE.

Post Author: Thressa Irving

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